It would help if you said what distribution & distribution-version of 
Linux you were running.  For instance, if you were running Red Hat
6.2, you could use the "printtool" to change the "driver" that is
used to send graphical data to your printer, and also the way it
handles plain text data.

>     The blasted thing prints out page after page after page of
>     <garbage line>, <form feed>, <garbage line>, <form feed>

You should be able to find a driver in the Linux list which will
work with that printer.  I use lots of color inkjet printers with the
HP Deskjet 500C driver.  It seems to be very compatible across
vendors & models.

> Sorry to rant. Anyway, my second question is, in the near future when
>    I've finally had enough of this printer, can anyone recommend a
>    low-cost printer that works well with Linux? 

Good, Fast, & Cheap.  Pick any two of those attributes you may have in
a printer.  You will not find all three.

The HP DeskJet Professional 2000C printer works fine with the Deskjet
500c driver under Linux.  It is kind of an expensive printer though.

Mine "locks up" from time to time and I have to "reboot" the printer
to get it printing again.  This happens about every 3 months.  (I don't
reboot the PC or printer very often.  :)  In general the 2000C is very 
reliable.

>    Whatever printer I buy has to produce crisp, professional-looking
>    B&W text; good graphics would be nice, but are a low priority.

The 2000C has near-photo-quality graphics on photo paper.

>    If possible, I'd like one that has separate color cartridges.

The 2000C has those.  It has separate, replaceable print heads too.

--
Jim Ockers (ockers@ockers.net)                     Ask me about Linux!
Contact info: please see http://www.ockers.net/

Fight Spam! Join CAUCE (Coalition Against Unsolicited Commercial Email)
at http://www.cauce.org/ .