<html><head/><body><html><head></head><body>Why did the chicken cross the road?<br>
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Einstein: the question is "did the chicken cross the road, or did the road pass under the chicken?"<br>
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Edgar Allen Poe: To die. In the rain.<br><br><div class="gmail_quote">Chris Ernst <penguin-guy@comcast.net> wrote:<blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin: 0pt 0pt 0pt 0.8ex; border-left: 1px solid rgb(204, 204, 204); padding-left: 1ex;">
<pre style="white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap:break-word; font-family: sans-serif; margin-top: 0px">HA! A friend just sent me a whole batch:<br /><br />1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any<br />luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”<br /><br />2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”<br /><br />3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time<br />doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.<br /><br />4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d<br />like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,”<br />replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”<br /><br />5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him<br />over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at<br />130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”<br /><br />6. Pavlov is enjoying a
pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up<br />and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”<br /><br />7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.<br /><br />8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary,<br />and those that don’t.<br /><br />9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.<br /><br />10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.”<br />A tachyon enters a bar.<br /><br />11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one<br />with everything”.<br /><br />12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.<br /><br />13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down<br />the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are<br />so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler<br />goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men<br
/>answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”<br /><br />14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.<br /><br />15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s<br />a hardware problem.<br /><br />16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting<br />next to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop<br />at this train?”<br /><br />17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a<br />technicality.<br /><br />18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.<br />Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but<br />how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t<br />know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s<br />funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”<br /><br />19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five<br />beers, please.”<br /><br
/>20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.<br /><br />21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender<br />says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one<br />half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a<br />beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The<br />fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender<br />interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.<br /><br />22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B<br />Mandelbrot.<br /><br />23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of<br />Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of<br />coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry,<br />Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”<br /><br />24. A
classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.<br />The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”<br /><br />25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf<br />of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home<br />with 12 loaves of bread.<br /><br />Source:<br /><a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/how-many-surrealists-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-bulb-a-fish-the-most-highbrow-jokes-in-the-world-8691191.html">http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/how-many-surrealists-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-bulb-a-fish-the-most-highbrow-jokes-in-the-world-8691191.html</a><br /><br />Cheers!<br /><br /> - Chris<br /><hr /><br />clue mailing list: clue@cluedenver.org<br />For information, account preferences, or to unsubscribe see:<br /><a href="http://cluedenver.org/mailman/listinfo/clue">http://cluedenver.org/mailman/listinfo/clue</a><br /><br
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Sent from my Android phone with K-9 Mail. Please excuse my brevity.</body></html></body></html>