[clue] A UDP packet walks into the bar. The bartender doesn't even acknowledge him.

[Chris Ernst]

HA!  A friend just sent me a whole batch:

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any
luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”

3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time
doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

4. A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d
like a beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,”
replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

5. An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him
over. The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at
130km per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up
and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary,
and those that don’t.

9. When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.

10. The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.”
A tachyon enters a bar.

11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one
with everything”.

12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

13. An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down
the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are
so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler
goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men
answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”

14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s
a hardware problem.

16. A student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting
next to him. Excited, he asks:  “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop
at this train?”

17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a
technicality.

18. Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but
how can we figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t
know that because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s
funny. You’re just telling it wrong.”

19. A Roman walks into a bar,  holds up two fingers, and says:  “Five
beers, please.”

20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

21. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender
says: “What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one
half of a beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a
beer.” The third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The
fourth mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender
interrupts: “Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.

22. What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Answer: Benoit B
Mandelbrot.

23. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of
Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of
coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry,
Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

24. A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.
The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

25. A programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf
of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home
with 12 loaves of bread.

Source:
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/how-many-surrealists-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-bulb-a-fish-the-most-highbrow-jokes-in-the-world-8691191.html

Cheers!

	- Chris